Ellebator

 First number one:      Why would I want to be the first one to break his heart? The first one he trusted and the first one he doubted. Why would I want to be the first one who made him feel like he is worthless, like he is not enough. The first one who made him cry a river, and the first one to made him question his confidence, his sanity. No, I would never want to be like you.  For his first number two:  You were worse, and I will never want to be like you. After years of doubting the world, this was the first time that he trusted someone again, you knew what he went through, yet repeated everything. You treated him as if he's worthless, you never made him feel enough. You made him cry an ocean and drowned him in his own tears. You made him question everything he thought he already found answers to.  No, I would never want to be like you, Two.  But, I am also his first.      The first one who will pick him up from doubting the wor...

This will be the first time I will see her again, after that night. I honestly cannot feel anything, it feels like my feet were pinned to the floor, my entire body was shaking, my hands are sweating, and I can hear every beat of my own heart.  "I wonder if she remembers me." , I sighed as I checked my phone for any notifications.  I started to reminisce things when we were still together.  She reached for my arm and wrapped a green scarf  around my wrist as she whispered, "Whenever you tie a scarf around your wrist, it indicates that you're missing me."  She leaned towards me to peck a kiss on my cheek and slowly walked away.  I can feel her every step, it seems like every step she takes, the heavier it gets. Universe know how I wanted to grab her to hug her endlessly, maybe that would change her mind.  "Maybe that's what she wants." I said to myself as I face the opposite direction.  I recognize her easily by the way she walks, so finesse, her ev...

       Sometimes up, sometimes down. I may never move forward, but at least I don't just stand still.      It may sound deep for some of you guys, but seriously the meaning is literal.       It basically sums me up as a person. I have my best days, when I feel like I can conquer the world, I am at my happiest, bravest, most confident. I feel like I am amazing and that no one can ever drag me down.       On the other hand, I have my bottom rock moments. And most of the time, I feel like this. Swallowed by darkness, lost in my silent battles, stressed, pressured, almost giving up. This is when I feel like I am alone and I cannot do anything right now. Sometimes, I even feel like I am going to be stuck in this feeling for the rest of time.       But at least I don't just stand still, doing nothing about it. My emotions can be compared to a roller coaster ride. It may look scary, with all the loop...